The beauty of the fire.
The last four weeks have been hard for our family. Our son had a major jaw reconstruction surgery four weeks ago with a really rough recovery. But on top of that...he had a complication where his jaw jammed shut. It would only open 2mm for over 2 weeks. He was already liquid only diet, only eat what you can swallow whole...but then with his jaw jammed shut he couldn't even use a spoon anymore.
I'll be very clear...I would have panicked. I tend to be chlaustrophic on the best of days...I cannot imagine the panic of not being able to open my mouth. What if I choked? The only time I saw him panic is when he would go to yawn...and the pain of his jaw trying to stretch was extreme. He had an incredible spirit throughout the entire thing. In fact...I'm not sure any of our other children would have been sent home to see if it changed in a week...because they would have been freaking out in the doctor's office. But him? He cried on the way home...but never showed any emotion to the medical team.
It all ended in another jaw surgery. Not just a "let's open you and figure it out" but in another major surgery. They had implanted rods completely through his upper jaw in the first procedure. Those rods were used to manually distract (stretch) his jaw over 2 weeks at home. Yes, we would attached a specific screwdriver and turn his jaw daily. We moved him 14.5 mm ... which apparently is an extreme move. But in the second procedure, realizing the first didn't get the job done (in a few ways) they moved him to a total of 20mm. They also removed the implanted device and put plates and screws in its place to hold his new jaw intact. The reason the jaw was locked? There was scar tissue that formed all around the device...which is why it had to be removed. So he's back to pain meds, swelling, gums that were cut completely open all over again...all of it.
As he was going in to the second procedure...we were all weary. This wasn't supposed to be happening. He was supposed to be using his jaw by now. He was supposed to be near the end of the healing phase. This child lay in his bed, smiling. When asked if he had any wisdom to share about this entire thing he replied "I can do hard things." I had no idea what he was going to say. He thought about it quite a bit before he replied.
He woke in recovery writhing in pain. He was extremely upset, unable to articulate the level of his pain, just that he needed help because "everything hurts. Bad!" After two doses of pain meds and increased O2 stats, he was unable to open his eyes but turned towards me. In a grovelly voice, he surprised me. "Mom...I did it." I leaned in. What did you do? Honestly not sure he was yet coherent. "The surgery. Hard things."
The nurse put her hand over her mouth and I saw her tear up. "He did not just say that!" she gasped.
He once again was laying back and snoring.
Character is that funny thing in our life...we think we can see it develop in our kids...go in the right direction...even in ourselves. But...it really isn't known at all until the difficulty comes.
There are so many quotes out there on this. But really...if you think about it...is a marriage really great when life is great? You know the strength of a marriage when life crumbles around you. Do you turn on each other when you are in a financial spin? When a diagnosis comes? Character is revealed...in the fire.
It just is.
No one is strong enough. No one chooses hardship. No one chooses that awful diagnosis. That health challenge that never seems to end. No one chooses bankruptcy. A layoff. An all out tragedy that blows their world up. No one chooses that.
But this I know...this I have learned...it reveals where your anchor is.
If your anchor is.
It was humbling watching our child go through this 4 week period where he went through 2 major jaw surgeries...where he's now on a liquid diet for 12 weeks straight...2 weeks of that he was in a lot of pain with a locked jaw. How will he respond? Will he regret? Will he turn bitter that it's him. Why isn't his brother or sister this way? Why him? Or will he embrace that this is his path, his journey and that none of it is wasted?
All of that is unknown until you are there. And we are no different. Our resolve when things get hard...our deep belief in knowing that our story is not ours alone.
When those closest to us stop supporting us. When 'ride or die' friends...leave. And you are left to make the hard decision on your own. When you fight for what is right whether you have a cheer team behind you or not.
That is when character is revealed.
It's the beauty of the fire. Charred...? Scarred...? Wounded...? Limping...? Yes.
But better. And somehow...? Whole.
I'll be very clear...I would have panicked. I tend to be chlaustrophic on the best of days...I cannot imagine the panic of not being able to open my mouth. What if I choked? The only time I saw him panic is when he would go to yawn...and the pain of his jaw trying to stretch was extreme. He had an incredible spirit throughout the entire thing. In fact...I'm not sure any of our other children would have been sent home to see if it changed in a week...because they would have been freaking out in the doctor's office. But him? He cried on the way home...but never showed any emotion to the medical team.
It all ended in another jaw surgery. Not just a "let's open you and figure it out" but in another major surgery. They had implanted rods completely through his upper jaw in the first procedure. Those rods were used to manually distract (stretch) his jaw over 2 weeks at home. Yes, we would attached a specific screwdriver and turn his jaw daily. We moved him 14.5 mm ... which apparently is an extreme move. But in the second procedure, realizing the first didn't get the job done (in a few ways) they moved him to a total of 20mm. They also removed the implanted device and put plates and screws in its place to hold his new jaw intact. The reason the jaw was locked? There was scar tissue that formed all around the device...which is why it had to be removed. So he's back to pain meds, swelling, gums that were cut completely open all over again...all of it.
As he was going in to the second procedure...we were all weary. This wasn't supposed to be happening. He was supposed to be using his jaw by now. He was supposed to be near the end of the healing phase. This child lay in his bed, smiling. When asked if he had any wisdom to share about this entire thing he replied "I can do hard things." I had no idea what he was going to say. He thought about it quite a bit before he replied.
He woke in recovery writhing in pain. He was extremely upset, unable to articulate the level of his pain, just that he needed help because "everything hurts. Bad!" After two doses of pain meds and increased O2 stats, he was unable to open his eyes but turned towards me. In a grovelly voice, he surprised me. "Mom...I did it." I leaned in. What did you do? Honestly not sure he was yet coherent. "The surgery. Hard things."
The nurse put her hand over her mouth and I saw her tear up. "He did not just say that!" she gasped.
He once again was laying back and snoring.
Character is that funny thing in our life...we think we can see it develop in our kids...go in the right direction...even in ourselves. But...it really isn't known at all until the difficulty comes.
There are so many quotes out there on this. But really...if you think about it...is a marriage really great when life is great? You know the strength of a marriage when life crumbles around you. Do you turn on each other when you are in a financial spin? When a diagnosis comes? Character is revealed...in the fire.
It just is.
No one is strong enough. No one chooses hardship. No one chooses that awful diagnosis. That health challenge that never seems to end. No one chooses bankruptcy. A layoff. An all out tragedy that blows their world up. No one chooses that.
But this I know...this I have learned...it reveals where your anchor is.
If your anchor is.
It was humbling watching our child go through this 4 week period where he went through 2 major jaw surgeries...where he's now on a liquid diet for 12 weeks straight...2 weeks of that he was in a lot of pain with a locked jaw. How will he respond? Will he regret? Will he turn bitter that it's him. Why isn't his brother or sister this way? Why him? Or will he embrace that this is his path, his journey and that none of it is wasted?
All of that is unknown until you are there. And we are no different. Our resolve when things get hard...our deep belief in knowing that our story is not ours alone.
When those closest to us stop supporting us. When 'ride or die' friends...leave. And you are left to make the hard decision on your own. When you fight for what is right whether you have a cheer team behind you or not.
That is when character is revealed.
It's the beauty of the fire. Charred...? Scarred...? Wounded...? Limping...? Yes.
But better. And somehow...? Whole.
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